Emotional Reciprocity

Do you know what's important in every friendship or relationship? Reciprocity. And I'm not talking about sex or some ultimately perverted version of quid pro quo. I'm talking about emotional reciprocity.

Some people have this innate gift of empathy. They are able to fill in the blanks without a single word spoken, a singe leaf shaken. They are empaths, a mysterious kind. When you look them in the eyes, there is no dark all-consuming void, there's light and there's a helping hand. When they look at you, all crawled up in a little shaking from an arctic-cold wind gust embryo, dexterously masqueraded by a thousand suits, they see right past that. They see your thoughts and your feelings. Those of us, who are on the other side of this unequal equipose, start shaking even more: limb by limb, falling apart.

So, what do you do when there's no emotional reciprocity, there's no empathic connection? You run, and never look back. Because if you look back, that dark all-consuming vortex in the reflection of their eyes will consume you and turn you inside out.

A Gay Within

I've already managed to have a decent share of gimlets in New York but what I haven't actually planned for is being trapped in a company of five straight guys bar-hopping from one sports bar to another. I had to turn my inner gay off for four straight hours while we were drinking and playing beer ball.

The Big Move

Sorry for being so quiet lately. I'm definitely going to post on my last adventures in the sunny California. But, for now, just letting you all know: I've moved on and moved out... to New York.

3 dates, 3 misses

Catching up on my dating escapades.
#1

Mr. Clone from my Nob Hill open house, because he looks exactly like one of the guys I used to date, canceled on my Thursday invitation to go out. What's more surprising, he offered me to bring him breakfast the same instance, alluding to me being "heartbroken" because of his last-minute cancellation. Awkward. You cancel and then you want me to bring you something? Nah. That doesn't work that way. So, I just put a smiley in reply. That's the safest way to eject yourself from a conversation like that. He's probably going on a business trip somewhere but I didn't quite catch it. I'll keep him for now. Just pure entertainment.

#2

Since my Thursday night plans were under a major threat, I had to seek out an emergency substitution date. There was this Serbian guy I found on Tinder, sending me extraterrestrial signals the other day, I had kind of written him off. But! An emergency asks for desperate measures. So, I asked him if he wanted to go out. He agreed. A total loser. He kept staring at his cellphone, showed me a picture of his ex a couple of times admiring his ex's six-pack, and kept bragging about how awesome his social life was. Checked in on Facebook several times and kept taking pics of the club non-stop. He decided to end the night prematurely (we didn't even sit through the rest of the concert) and kissed me on the cheek.

The next morning I get a series of texts:

Mr. Serb: We're going out to ------ tonight. Or I can just blow you in the car.
Mr. Serb:  But you have to show me your cock before I commit.
Me: You get an A in flirting!
Mr. Serb: I'm just subtle.
Me: So I've noticed.

I don't condone scabrousness. Sorry.

#3

The same day I got a message on OkC from a guy somewhere in Contra Costa County. He wanted to meet up and go on a date. I decided why not. Let's try out some suburban folks for a change. He asked me what kind of food I liked and we settled on an Italian restaurant in Walnut Creek. If would've been better if I had just stayed at home. He literally had three poor neurons desperate to get euthanized. 

Chatted up with two guys on OkC tonight. Going on two dates tomorrow. Time will tell.

Hot Dude

I was at another open house today. While waiting for the landlady to come down, we all starting chatting with each other. There was this really hot New Yorker who was paying a lot of attention to another female in our company. He's one of those who aren't shy about themselves and know they are sexy and they own it. I wondered if he was straight but, probably, judging by his overwhelming attention to a female in our small company, I can't conclude otherwise. 

The apartment was awesome.

City, I want to come back!

As I was waking up this morning from some awkward gestures occurring to my genitalia twenty floors above the ground in Nob Hill, I was thinking... I do miss the city. I miss cities in general. I am the fifth generation in my family to be born in one of the largest metropolises of the world and it's embedded in my blood. Sirens, traffic noise, and constant crowds.

My yesterday went well as you can judge from the first paragraph. I'm still trying to come up with an appropriate name for him but I'll call him Mr. Ad for now. He's cute, nothing special. Alas, there's no intimate connection. It's one of those kinds you just want to hug and fuck.

As I was walking up Powell St to another open house, someone smiled at me. It was one of those friendly smiles and everything was covered in fog. I wandered off somewhere...

What is love?

I'm getting messages from this guy on Tinder. I offered him to grab a drink and this is what I get:

Me: Wanna grab a drink this week?
Him: Well it's different if you want to have a drink with me
Him: And I wit [sic] to have a life with you
Him: Our intentions emotions, testosterone and adrenaline rushes are different
Me: Yeah, yours are prolly overflooding all of Tinder right now
Him: :/
Him: I am sorry you [are] not feeling it

OK. This is crazy. Here's something nice to watch for you tonight: